How to make anyone fall in love with you?

Ladies and gentlemen, now that I have your attention to this catchy title let me start by telling you how wrong and misleading this is. Let me gently deconstruct this question for you as we dive deeply into what could make us be perceived as more “attractive” while uncovering the secrets for building stronger and long-lasting relationships.

So, whether you are already in a relationship, single and looking for “the one”, or just dating with no strings attached, no one lets this question go unnoticed as the curiosity prevails due to our innate need to be wanted. The truth is that our egos like to be pampered and to have attention, so if there is a way to have everyone falling in love with us, damn we really want to know the answer!

Unfortunately, the easiest answer to this question is: you CAN’T make “anyone” fall in love with you. And it’s as simple as that. You CAN’T. But don’t be demotivated! Just stick with me until the end, as I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Let’s start with the basics. In the same way, not everybody will like us and bond with us, not everyone will fall in love with us. I guess this is more or less clear, right?

But why is that?

Basically, what makes someone fall in love with you (some physical/psychological/soul/personality characteristic you have) will never be the exact trigger for everyone. You can be the best person on Earth, and even be the Sexiest Man/Woman alive according to some magazines. Still, attraction and love will always depend on what triggers each one of us individually according to our tastes, early relationships, and expectations. It even depends on how people naturally smell!

Now imagine that you are super friendly, you are always traveling, and you go climbing on weekends. For some people, this would be a determining factor in falling in love with your independence and free spirit. For others you are too active, and it would be better for them if, for example, you just wanted to do “Netflix and chill” on weekends. Another example is that for some people your blue eyes are a source of attraction, for others means nothing, and for others they may even have the stereotype that everyone with blue eyes is arrogant. It’s like “hate at first sight” before you even open your mouth.

So, no matter how much we write about love and attraction, and no matter how much we search for a universal answer to this question, it is nearly impossible to give a definitive answer that would apply to everyone. And as you can also see, every characteristic of yourself is perceived differently depending on the people you encounter. So, maybe it’s better not to put too much effort and energy into proving them “wrong”, instead put your energy in what you CAN actually control.

And I have good news! Woo-hoo!!

Ok, we may not be able to make everyone fall in love with us, but are there any "tricks" to increase the probability of that happening? And to this question, the answer is a resounding YES!

Here are the most powerful tricks to increase intimacy and attraction and boost the odds that "everyone" will fall in love with you:

• Deep eye contact. Proven by Zick Rubin from Harvard University (Measurement of Romantic Love) deep and warm eye contact for more than 70% of conversations can help trigger love interest. But do it intentionally and in an inviting way, don’t do it with fear, judgement, or coldness. And look deeply into pupils, not eyebrows.

• Smile… genuinely. People with genuine smiles are perceived as healthier and more attractive according to the latest studies in the area. Even when their physical attributes are less attractive to us, these people still hold a slight advantage compared to those who are attractive but don’t smile as much (Jessika Golle, Fred Mast & Janek Lobmaier, 2013). And to this, Dr. Alex Jones from the Welsh University even adds “the secret to looking good is to appear naturally happy.”

• Share some of your little secrets/insecurities. When you do this, the other person tends to reciprocate with something personal too. This will help you build trust without even trying to. And if they trust you, you are opening the doors to intimacy. But do it only if you feel the other person is engaged in the conversation, and choose a small secret, not a big one. Keep your biggest achievements and fails for later in the relationship. In the beginning what you want is to show vulnerability (which is a GOOD thing) while keeping some mystery (disclaimer: being mysterious is not the same as lying or ignoring someone).

• Talk to your romantic interest as if you were already friends for a long time. According to Leil Lowndes, this trick will hack our brains. If you make early conversations a bit more personal and about feelings while also using the statement “WE” very often, our brains will think we are closer than we actually are. So, instead of discussing facts like “The weather is really bad today, right?” you should say instead “I love sunny days, they make me feel alive. What about you? Are you also a sun person?”. “I guess WE are team sun then!”

• Matching body language. Not only you need to make sure you maintain open body language (this also means not crossing your arms during a conversation) and making sure your whole body is pointing to the person, but you should also try to mimic the other person’s body language and ways of speaking. You can use similar words, gestures, and you should definitely match the pace and tone of the conversation. Why is this important? Because it will trigger their brains to think you are familiar to them, and familiar feelings boost trust and comfort around you.

There are many more tricks that would help, but I couldn’t fit them all into this article. However, let’s not forget about the main ones too. Which is be yourself, know your worth, and actively listen others by giving them time to speak while asking them some questions too.

And learn to love yourself and your own traits, because that will always make you stand out from the crowd! As in the end, the most powerful “trick” that you could ever find out there, regardless of your gender, irrespective of your clothes, is that nothing is more attractive than seeing someone BEING their most honest self.