"I'm in love with a straight person - now what?”
The dating world is an unpredictable world for everyone. You go out with someone and sometimes they ghost you, or you find out they have a more complex double life than a 007 agent, or on the other hand, everything is going well, the connection is there, everything is perfect, but then your worst nightmare comes true - he or she tells you they are straight. And with a simple burst of words, the Disney castle forming in your head disappears.
But don’t be afraid! There are no nightmares that a fairy godmother cannot solve. We just need to understand how the human mind works first.
Categorization is a necessary brain process for our survival. We label everything and tend to put all the information into boxes. We do this not because we want to discriminate per se, but because we need to mentally separate what is beneficial for our survival from what has the potential to kill us. And it is because of this (super necessary) brain process, that you know what food you can and cannot eat, and that orange mammals that roar and live in the jungle are mammals to avoid, be they lions or Trump.
But in a world where it is increasingly easy to label and judge, pushing this mental process to the limit of what is acceptable, we tend to forget the main premise behind what it means to love. We forget that love does not choose sexes and has no labels.
"Okay, that's all very nice," someone might say to you, "...but to date someone, it takes more than just love, you also need attraction! And a straight person would never feel that for me because they don't have the same tastes as me."
All good. Up to a certain point...
Mentioned by Stephen Labossiere and also Jay Shetty, there are three things that make love happen and last. These three things are Connection, Attraction, and Compatibility. And this means that the argument above is valid... but it is, in itself, quite limiting. Attraction can be a catalyst for love, but it is not the only one. The reverse process is also possible because attraction can also be created with Love.
So, how can you catalyze love and create that attraction? By accessing the other two variables.
Connection refers to the spiritual/emotional connection you have with the other person, and it is something quite intense and instinctive that is felt right from the first contact. Does that person seem familiar to you? Do you feel that there is a connection that goes beyond logic or words? This connection is not felt physically, because in that case, the name would be Attraction/Chemistry. And that is usually what we feel most commonly for someone in the early stages - an explosion of physical sensations and desires.
Connection is something much more profound and emotional. It does not manifest physically, but rather with an inner knowing that we feel really well next to that person, and that that "is" our person. And (attention!) this feeling is not possessive! It is emotionally neutral and gives us a sense of peace next to that person. It is not obsessive, possessive, or anything that makes you think twice. It just gives you PEACE!
And this Connection well explored together with compatibility will work wonders. But what is Compatibility? Compatibility is when two people coexist in harmony over time despite being two people with different personalities, desires, and needs. And this harmony doesn't always manifest, independently of how much two people love each other. There doesn't have to be a problem in the relationship for this to go wrong. It can simply be because your ways of being and living are just incompatible and don't bring harmony to the relationship. This means that continuous adjustments (from both parties!) are often necessary for there to be balance. Never forgetting that the goal of a relationship is always to add something. The adaptability of the couple does NOT mean neglecting individual needs.
And now that we have deconstructed what can create love, here are some tips if you like someone of a different sexual orientation than yours:
Don't give up when you hear them say they have a different sexuality. Continue to explore the connection and discover if you are compatible. Explore this discovery with curiosity and patience over time. Don't make it a torture of insecurities and old fears;
Connection when felt by you means that it is also shared by the other person. The same does not necessarily happen with Attraction/Chemistry;
Allow yourself to realize if you really want to dedicate your time to a person who may not yet know what they want because you deserve someone who likes you without "ifs" or "maybes";
An interested person asks you questions, wants to know about you, wants to get more involved in your life, wants to spend time with you, wants to communicate frequently with you. An uninterested person does the opposite. If so, it's time to invest your time in someone else.
And most importantly, remember that love is not a thought. Love is a binding feeling. Love does not choose sexualities or bodies, as you saw we call that "Attraction". Love is caring, respecting, making someone laugh, helping the person grow, without expecting anything in return!
If you treat someone with that love and respect, and if that person is right for you, they will eventually come to you. Because when the connection exists and is real, we reformulate old beliefs and build new narratives about who we are and what we like. Regardless of sexual orientation.
And when the connection exists and is real, people are naturally attracted to each other almost automatically to prove, time and time again, that love has no rules or labels.
Love just IS.
Published in: https://dezanove.pt/gosto-de-uma-pessoa-hetero-e-agora-1889992#cutid1
